[Samantha had managed to conceal the pain when she'd spoken to Father McCulhay, but she'd been in agony through most of the day, to the point of cold sweats. Only in the last few hours had it begun to fade, slipping back into more of an ongoing dull ache. It was the price she paid for keeping 'that part' in check. The runes flared up and she was left seeing white from all of the pain.
As it started to reach bearable levels, late at night, she called Asuka up. She'd heard from most of those she cared about lately, but she wanted to check in with Asuka too, little knowing that by dawn she'd disappear for a few days...]
[When Asuka answered she looked far worse for wear then usual. And upon closer inspection of such elements as Asuka's messy hair and the many dark circles that ringed her one good eye, it was readily apparent that the young pilot hadn't slept in quite sometime.]
[Samantha sighed when she saw Asuka. She looked like hell too. God, they were a pair. She looked briefly a bit sympathetic before closing her eyes and nodding, trying to comb her hair into place.]
[The only thing worse then Asuka's worn body was her equally weary mind. For days she had been able to think of nothing but the missing years that had slipped from her head and left her with no context for her current predicament.
And, without that context, all that remained was a husk of a girl. One that looked as if she may collapse at any moment.]
I can't remember anything from before I was fourteen. [Asuka sighed deep as if in pain.] I don't even remember why or how I became a pilot.
I'm having a lot of trouble remembering other peoples' pasts, much less my own. [She growled.] Seems like both our childhoods are just... missing. I barely remember my dad and my mom's not even a blur.
[She reached up and gripped her forehead with both hands. There was a momentary headache before she started to come back.]
[Normally she would have made some stupid joke, or at least tried to shrug off how awful she felt, but in this moment the pain was to great. There was simply no way she could say anything beyond what had already been said.]
My place, or yours? You pick. If it's yours... I can't stay forever. Baldr's place is a little hard to stay in for more than a few hours. Mine, you can head out whenever you want.
Alright. I'll leave the door unlocked. Maybe get some chips or something ready. See you soon.
She cut the feed off and got things a little cleaned up for Asuka to stop by. It was actually good she was coming over. She wasn't in the mood for too much travel, so it let her just relax, let the headache start to fade away slowly.]
[Putting on a light jacket, Asuka left her apartment and, a short while later, found herself at Samantha's front door. Though she could not remember her own past, she did at least recall the red-haired girl who had helped her feel at home in this strange place.
It wasn't much, she thought as she let herself in, but it was comforting to know that something remained that didn't bring a sense of fear and fright to her waking mind.]
[She had a bowl of chips in her hands, and as Asuka came in, she'd see another small bowl with salsa in it. She walked around and set it down, relaxing into her couch and patting the spot next to her.]
[Looking as she was bearing something heavy upon her shoulders, Asuka plopped herself down upon the couch next to Samantha and sighed before taking some of the snacks for herself.]
Thanks for inviting me over. I'm not sure how much longer I'd last holed up in my room like that.
[Samantha leaned in a bit closer when she sat down. She'd have a chip in a second. there were cold drinks set out, since as usual she tended to go a bit too spicy. On the upside, she'd gone for 'mild' by her standards.]
It's no problem. I can only imagine how much you want to just do whatever to forget about the crap for a bit, or have someone to talk to.
I'm used to not having anyone to talk to, but its just frustrating to not be able to remember things from when I was a kid. Like I know there is some reason I care about that brat Shinji, but I can't recall what that reason is.
[She shoveled a few more chips into her mouth before reaching for something to drink.]
[Samantha finally took a bite while Asuka talked, nodding at what she said. The photo of her mother was set out on the table, where she'd stared at it almost every night since she'd forgotten her face. It was easy to understand.]
I could tell you what you told me, but I don't know that that's what you want. Even if you 'know,' you won't remember it, so it feels almost worse. Like not knowing the face of someone you love.
[Asuka didn't know how to respond to that. For the last week she had tried to remember her past through sheer force of will, thus solving the issues like she did most problems that came her way.
But the fact that she couldn't, and the feeling that there was yet another thing that was impossible for, was both frustrating and scary for the girl who had spent most of her life trying to be the best.]
This is depressing... has anything good happened lately?
[Almost nothing. Samantha had been a wreck lately. She'd been relying on her friends for shared comfort, barely getting any work done and had briefly forgotten her kismesis enough to fight with him in the library. There was so little to be happy about, especially as more and more this felt like a pointed reminder that they had to act...]
You walked through my door. I'm going to call that a pretty good thing right now, Asuka. [She leaned in a little, offering a nuzzle with her forehead.]
[Asuka returned her partner's affection in kind, though her actions were still a bit off due to her own inexperience, it was a bit less so then the last time they had been together.]
I try my best. [She tried to laugh.] But seriously, it's nice to be over here for me to.
[When the affection was returned, she scooted in, one of her hands curling up and wrapping around the smaller girl. She still felt pretty awkward about it all, but at the same time, it was a lot easier not to think about things when she could focus on something else.]
You don't have to try hard tonight. You're a diversion on your own. I've... needed that.
[She closed her eyes, breathing in slowly. Part of her felt a little awful. It wasn't exactly the most emotionally stable moment to be cuddling, but it felt good.]
[She leaned into that little kiss and brushed her lips up against Asuka's cheek. She was far more open with her affections right then, though she wasn't going to push if she shied away.]
Honestly, your company's as good as talking, but do you want to talk about something?
[That made her fingers grip tighter. Samantha was struggling with all of the memories she'd lost, the people she had lost that she couldn't recall. The thought of losing another bothered her.]
[For once in her life, Asuka felt bad. She really did like Samantha, but she had built her life around being a pilot and couldn't imagine a world where she didn't spend a good portion of her life in the cockpit of a giant robot. Thus, If forced to choose between the two, she would always go with her Eva.]
[Samantha had plenty in her own world to take care of as well, things that she'd made peace with, people she cared for. However, she'd gotten close to people here, and she planned to hold fast to those memories as long as she could.
Having a long lifespan could change one's perspective at times, though... she did understand in a way. It just wasn't a good day to think that way.]
Thanks. I just... right now, I don't like the idea of losing you and forgetting ... well, this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
450, Late, Video
20/5/14 03:47 (UTC)As it started to reach bearable levels, late at night, she called Asuka up. She'd heard from most of those she cared about lately, but she wanted to check in with Asuka too, little knowing that by dawn she'd disappear for a few days...]
Hey... You alright?
Video
20/5/14 03:54 (UTC)Huh...? Oh, I've been better.
Video
20/5/14 05:21 (UTC)How much have you lost?
Re: Video
20/5/14 06:11 (UTC)And, without that context, all that remained was a husk of a girl. One that looked as if she may collapse at any moment.]
I can't remember anything from before I was fourteen. [Asuka sighed deep as if in pain.] I don't even remember why or how I became a pilot.
Re: Video
20/5/14 14:34 (UTC)[She reached up and gripped her forehead with both hands. There was a momentary headache before she started to come back.]
You... want company?
Re: Video
20/5/14 16:54 (UTC)[Normally she would have made some stupid joke, or at least tried to shrug off how awful she felt, but in this moment the pain was to great. There was simply no way she could say anything beyond what had already been said.]
Video
20/5/14 17:16 (UTC)Re: Video
20/5/14 17:29 (UTC)Video
20/5/14 17:32 (UTC)She cut the feed off and got things a little cleaned up for Asuka to stop by. It was actually good she was coming over. She wasn't in the mood for too much travel, so it let her just relax, let the headache start to fade away slowly.]
Re: Video
21/5/14 02:58 (UTC)[Putting on a light jacket, Asuka left her apartment and, a short while later, found herself at Samantha's front door. Though she could not remember her own past, she did at least recall the red-haired girl who had helped her feel at home in this strange place.
It wasn't much, she thought as she let herself in, but it was comforting to know that something remained that didn't bring a sense of fear and fright to her waking mind.]
Hey, I'm here!
Video
21/5/14 03:14 (UTC)[She had a bowl of chips in her hands, and as Asuka came in, she'd see another small bowl with salsa in it. She walked around and set it down, relaxing into her couch and patting the spot next to her.]
Re: Video
21/5/14 03:21 (UTC)Thanks for inviting me over. I'm not sure how much longer I'd last holed up in my room like that.
(no subject)
21/5/14 03:31 (UTC)It's no problem. I can only imagine how much you want to just do whatever to forget about the crap for a bit, or have someone to talk to.
(no subject)
21/5/14 03:54 (UTC)[She shoveled a few more chips into her mouth before reaching for something to drink.]
(no subject)
21/5/14 03:59 (UTC)I could tell you what you told me, but I don't know that that's what you want. Even if you 'know,' you won't remember it, so it feels almost worse. Like not knowing the face of someone you love.
(no subject)
21/5/14 04:16 (UTC)But the fact that she couldn't, and the feeling that there was yet another thing that was impossible for, was both frustrating and scary for the girl who had spent most of her life trying to be the best.]
This is depressing... has anything good happened lately?
[She mumbled awkwardly.]
(no subject)
21/5/14 04:20 (UTC)You walked through my door. I'm going to call that a pretty good thing right now, Asuka. [She leaned in a little, offering a nuzzle with her forehead.]
(no subject)
21/5/14 04:28 (UTC)I try my best. [She tried to laugh.] But seriously, it's nice to be over here for me to.
(no subject)
21/5/14 04:32 (UTC)You don't have to try hard tonight. You're a diversion on your own. I've... needed that.
[She closed her eyes, breathing in slowly. Part of her felt a little awful. It wasn't exactly the most emotionally stable moment to be cuddling, but it felt good.]
(no subject)
22/5/14 02:03 (UTC)[Asuka kissed Samantha lightly on the cheek. It was quick, as if she chose not to linger on purpose.
(no subject)
22/5/14 02:06 (UTC)Honestly, your company's as good as talking, but do you want to talk about something?
(no subject)
22/5/14 02:35 (UTC)(no subject)
22/5/14 02:41 (UTC)Am I terrible for not wanting you to go?
(no subject)
22/5/14 02:50 (UTC)[For once in her life, Asuka felt bad. She really did like Samantha, but she had built her life around being a pilot and couldn't imagine a world where she didn't spend a good portion of her life in the cockpit of a giant robot. Thus, If forced to choose between the two, she would always go with her Eva.]
I don't think your horrible for thinking that.
(no subject)
22/5/14 02:59 (UTC)Having a long lifespan could change one's perspective at times, though... she did understand in a way. It just wasn't a good day to think that way.]
Thanks. I just... right now, I don't like the idea of losing you and forgetting ... well, this.
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